GUIDS mess up defragmenting

I'm sure most of you know already that the use of GUIDS or UniqueIdentifiers is messy for doing defragmenting; because they are not sequential, they tend to cause problems for indexes and while you can decrease your FillFactor, I found that I'd rather not defrag an index only to find it at 99% fragmented again within a few hours.

I wrote a little script to help me identify the indexes that have an included column which is of type UniqueIdentifier.

-- CHANGE THE DB TO THE ONE YOU WANT TO SEE INDEXES WITH GUIDS IN THEM

;WITH LIST AS (
 SELECT p.object_id
   ,OBJECT_NAME(p.object_id) AS TableName
   ,I.name AS IndexName
   ,C.Name AS ColName
   ,T.name AS DataType
 FROM sys.partitions P
 JOIN sysobjects O ON P.object_id = object_id(O.name)
 JOIN sys.indexes I ON I.object_id = P.object_id AND I.index_id = P.index_id
 JOIN sys.index_columns IC ON p.object_id = IC.object_id AND p.index_id = IC.index_id
 JOIN sys.columns C ON P.object_id = C.object_id AND IC.column_id = C.column_id
 JOIN sys.types T ON c.system_type_id = T.system_type_id
 WHERE T.name = 'uniqueidentifier'
   AND P.partition_number = 1
   AND O.xtype='U'
)
SELECT DISTINCT *
FROM LIST
ORDER BY TableName,ColName

Titles

I'm sure we've all seen them before, the silly title that some people get that sound so ridiculous, like at my last company the front desk person was the Director of First Impressions. I recently saw that one of our business people was on a YouTube video showing off our new product and her title was "Brand Ambassador". For some reason this struck me as very silly, so now we have brand managers and brand ambassadors...why do people find it so necessary to find these odd title for themselves. So I've come up with a list of possible titles for myself, I'll see if I can get my manager to allow me to use one of them. I've come up with a good list I think, but feel free to post a comment with some other good ones a DBA or BI Developer might consider.

Director of Fluff
Director of Shock and Awe
"Behind the Scenes Magic" Technician
Data Sorcerer
Data Mage
Data Defender
High Priest of the Data arts
His Royal Majesty
Knight of the Data Table
BI Crew Member
Developer of the BI Arts
The Keymaster
Data Doctor
Report Guru
Cube Guardian
Data Ambassador
Keeper of all things BI
Data Librarian
The Undersecretary of Data
The Sultan of SQL
The Duke of Data